Wednesday, March 30, 2016

So what did I think of Batman V Superman?



 
So what did I think of BvsS? Well, judging it as a stand-alone story and disregarding whether or not it does justice to the 80 years of mythology it’s based upon, it’s a decent popcorn movie. It’s not thought provoking or heart wrenching or all that memorable, but as a popcorn movie it’s fine.

First my minor grievances:
1 ~ The Waynes didn’t look rich in the flashback. The Waynes should always look like a cartoonish stereotype of plutocracy. They should be dressed to the nines no manner the occasion so that whenever someone looks at them they know they’re richer than God. The Waynes in the flashback looked working class, and what was with Thomas’ pornstache?
2 ~ Bruce drinks wine as soon as he wakes up (next to some random one night stand whose face we never see. If he’s actually a philanderer, doesn’t the revolving door to Wayne Manor represent a major security threat?). Batman doesn’t drink. Batman, as the epitome of the Badass Normal, must maintain peak physical health. He does this via intense training, both physical and mental, adhering to a strict diet, and abstaining from drugs and alcohol. He’s obsessed with fighting crime, and he’s not going to do anything that might make him lose his edge.
3 ~ I think it’s hypocritical for both Lex and Bruce, as heteronormative white male American billionaires, to be so concerned about a man having too much power. It kind of seems more like they’re concerned about being knocked down the pecking order rather than the safety of humanity.
4 ~ Of course, the dream sequences were just weird.
5 ~ How can you base a movie off of Frank Miller’s The Dark Night Returns, however loosely, and not include this:
 

Those issues aside, I did not hate Batfleck, though he’s not my favourite incarnation of the character. Yes he kills people, but in all fairness he’s not the first version of Batman, in the movies or anywhere else, to break his ‘one rule’. My personal favourite Batman is the Arkhamverse Batman because he’s voiced by Kevin Conroy (which is what Batman is supposed to sound like and not like he’s a demon with throat cancer) and because the Arkhamverse is just such a perfect distillation of the entire Batman Mythos. That being said, what I did like about Batfleck was that he fights like Batman does in the Arkham games. He does an inverted take down, uses the grappler to pull a guy to him and then slam him into the ground, uses smoke and other gadgets, throws batarangs left and right, and just in general fought like he’s supposed to. He even drives the bat-tank thing about as well as I did in Arkham Knight.

What I did hate was Luther (or is it Luthor?Luthur? I’m spelling it with an e because that looks right to me). He’s completely crazy, and his plan makes no sense. My ideal portrayal of Lex Luther would basically be a skinnier version of the Netflix Daredevil’s Kingpin. Lex should be cold and calculating. He should be ruthless in pursuing his goals but his goals should still be rational and relatable. Eisenberg’s Lex is basically Joker-lite, and he gets crazier as the movie progresses for no explicable reason. He kills Mercy for no reason, despite the fact that she appeared to be a loyal and competent henchwoman. A rational Lex wouldn’t sacrifice useful personnel needlessly. She should have had a much more prominent role as his number 2, both in this film and in the DC cinematic universe as a whole. It’s such a waste of a great character and actress, especially since the bombing didn’t actually seem to advance Lex’s agenda at all. He’s obsessed with de-deifying Superman to the point of madness. It’s not that he views Supes as an existential threat to Humanity because he creates an even greater threat to destroy him. Lex has no means of controlling or stopping Doomsday, but in his mind that’s okay because since this being won’t even pretend to be good and just go on an eternal rampage until everyone’s dead, so no one will view him as a saviour. ‘I was right, God is dead, who cares what happens next?’. Both his plan and underlying motivation are batshit insane. He is not relatable, he’s just evil to cause problems for the protagonists, and that makes a bad villain. This Lex fits the description of a diseased maniac far more than Hackman’s ever did.  

And as an aside on the bombing, I don